Hopping along just fine

Well, this is a myth. You actually can't hop or lurch when you're in crutches without maiming or straining some other body part other than the one that put you in the crutches in the first place. Once you've mastered the aluminum crutches, and learned to walk in an upright rather than perpendicular posture, aerodynamics improve rapidly. The single most significant revelation is that the weight is supported by your hands, which are cleverly designed to do the job, unlike your tender armpits. So rapidly do you improve in fact that you are under the illusion that you no longer need crutches with your walking cast, but can actually use the cast to walk ( a misnomer if there ever was one). Enter the cane. The cane is much more aesthetically pleasing and easy to coordinate your wardrobe with, it is sleek, black, virtually invisible, and most serendipitously, it matches your walking cast ( and evening gown).

The cane, it should be noted, is not a crutch. It is thinner, less able to bear one's weight, and flimsy to manouevre as it is not wedged in your armpit. It really only is effective when employed on the side of the body where the initial injury is lodged, that is to say, no amount of carrying or poking the crutch held in your left hand will in any way aid or abet the pain and discomfort you have in your right broken ankle. Whatsoever. It also not wise to carry a full cup of hot coffee while wielding a cane that you actually need to use; this is also not wise with crutches for obvious reasons.

Lurching while in a walking cast threatens to displace other body parts, like hips which are just so flexible, backs and necks from lying prone trying to relax,and also the uninjured foot. The uninjured foot is the workhorse, bearing your weight, providing balance, working overtime to ensure that you stay upright, holding your pantleg while you gingerly try to dress your gammy foot, and anchoring you to the world. You do not want to mess with your left foot when your right foot is broken. If for any reason you feel a twitch, twinge or strain in your good foot, sit down immediately. Invoke all manner of favors and refrain from everything, especially from walking, lurching or hobbling. Your uneven gait is the cause of your new injury, and must be waited out.

It is at this stage that you survey your stack of unread fiction, and immerse yourself in the " I always wanted to read"s of the last decade. This is your only task, your duty and your calling - and yes, at the end of it all there will be test. You will walk again.